Weighing in……

I’d like to weigh on something here. I have opinions and I’d like to share them with you guys. So here’s the deal: I’d like to talk about this stigma around Sexual assault and victim blaming. That’s not okay. As someone whose been sexual assaulted twice. I can tell you that the first time if I had said anything I wouldn’t have been believed. I would have been blamed. I would have been made to feel stupid for even saying anything. See the person who did it was an athlete in my high school and in my high school anyone who was an athlete was a golden child. They were on a pedestal. I’ve talked about this in my book: My story 12 years of going to hell and back. (It’s on amazon if you’re interested)

But anyways I talked about the fact that this happens in more then school. Powerful people shutting people up and using that power dynamic to violate people. So back to the story: so that’s why I started drinking. I’m now 13 years sober. I keep telling my story to help others and keep adding to the conversation that’s not had enough. I’m not going to stop telling my story. I want to help people.

Today’s soundtrack

I’d like to be a little more fun today and just share my soundtrack for today. I think music is so important. And it connects us all. Frankly some songs do take you there. They get you on an emotional level. Some make you cry and some make you want to dance. That’s the power of music. So with that my soundtrack is below. (This changes daily) But I can say that I listen to the same bands pretty much daily.

Photograph-Def Leppard, Girls girls girls-Motley Crue, Nothing but a good time-poison, every rose has its thorn-poison, Armageddon- Def Leppard. Round and Round-Ratt.

So many amazing songs! How about I just list my favorite bands? Eh I’ll do it on my patreon 😛

Check out my patreon: http://www.patreon.com/amandanicole12

Am I okay?

So many people have been asking me this lately. So I thought I would answer it here. The answer is yes/no. The answer is yes because I have a lot of computer work to do daily and that keeps me busy. Which is good! I’m so thankful I’ve been able to create different opportunities for myself. But the answer changes to no at night when all the work is done for the day and I’m alone in my bed wishing I had someone to talk to. It’s a lonely feeling. Somedays it hurts more than others. I’m going to be honest with you here in hopes that it could possibly help someone. That’s the aim of this project as y’all know.

So the answer is yes/no and that maybe confusing to some people and I apologize but that’s the best I can give you at the moment. I’m certainly working on things. I’m implementing different things into my life to make it better. As you know I’ve been implementing CBD oil into my life to ease my anxiety and help me sleep. That’s been amazing. I have more coming soon! I’m so excited to continue with it.

I’m currently writing this post sitting in my parents driveway listening to Taylor swift. Which should come as no shock to you if you know me well. I do like other artists. But Taylor has been a consistent favorite of mine for a while.

So the answer is I’m not okay but I’m okay at the same time. I’m doing the things I need to do. I’ll be okay. ❤️

Everything Happens for a reason

You’ve heard that a million times haven’t you? Someone told you that or you read it somewhere. If you think its cliche well you’re not alone, I think it is too. BUT at the same time I kind of believe it. I believe that we’re on this earth for a reason, I believe that we all have a purpose. But I also believe we’re in a simulation, I believe we’re all being controlled by some outside force.

I know this is supposed to be a mental health blog and I’ll tie that into this post. I’d like to add that it would make me feel better if I could know exactly what was going to happen and when. But we can’t know sadly. We have to ride out things and see how they play out. We have to have faith that things will work out in our favor.

Now this is hard when you have anxiety, you constantly worry about everything right? of course we do. I’d like to tell you that you’re not alone. I have anxiety as you know. 🙂

Let’s take it there

If you ever see a post called Let’s take it there: That means I’m opening up about something really personal and I’m doing it because I want others to be able to relate to it and hopefully help someone. I wanted to clear that up. So with that let’s take it there. Let’s pull back curtains and talk about shit that needs to be talked about. Let’s go there people.

So I got asked this question a while ago by some good friends. They asked me about Gender Pronouns and they asked me what mine were. My Pronouns are she/her/hers/They/Them/Theirs. Honestly I’m just a human. I don’t like this idea of falling into a box. I think it’s fucked. Let’s just be humans. Let’s just take the labels away and identify as humans. I honestly think that would be easier. It’s annoying to because I live in the south and It’s so conservative down here. I hate that aspect of it.

What do my pronouns mean? it means that I honestly don’t give two shits what people call me. I’m a “girl” but I also feel like Im just a human.

Would I ever get a tattoo?

This is a question I get asked a lot. And the answer is simple. But before I answer I’d like to tell you that I’m not against Tattoos at all. I love Tattoos. I think they’re great. I love how one can express themselves through art. However I can’t get a tattoo and here’s why.

I cannot commit to it. Now don’t get me wrong. I’d love so many tattoos. But I can’t commit. What if I get one I really like and then in 5 years I wake up and don’t like it anymore. These are things I think about.

I love tattoos. I really do. But I can’t pick one lol

Love

I haven’t ever talked about love in general with you guys. Ive always talked about all aspects of love. Like the good and bad. I’ve talked about abuse and heartache. But today I’d like to talk about love. The emotion. Not the shitty parts. Love should exist more in the world. We should love each other regardless of who we love or what we love. I’m all for equality.

I’d like to talk about Love and mental health for a second. Not feeling loved is really harmful for someone’s mental state. I can tell you that, I’m still struggling to feel loved by people. It’s hard. 🙂 But I’ll get there.

Plant medicine

I’m a big supporter of plant medicine. I’d rather use plants than pills honestly. Why? Because Plants are natural and have been around for thousands of years. I’d feel much more comfortable using plants then something made in a lab with who knows what in it. So what am I doing?

I’m adding plant medicine into my daily routine. I’m adding CBD oil. I’m so excited to start using plant medicine in my life. I’ve been wanting to do it for a while. And I finally have the courage to do it.

What am I using it for? Anxiety. I don’t sleep well because of it and I toss and turn all night. My anxiety has been through the roof lately. I needed to do something. So I talked to my dr and here we are. I’m not saying everyone should do it but I am for my own mental health. And I’m proud of myself for taking that step. Noticing my anxiety levels was something I would’ve never done before. I’m actually taking time to take care of myself. and understand what it is I need.

F%ck Society

Sometimes I’ll publish twice in one day, this is one of those days. I was just thinking about Societies view on Mental Health and how f%cked up it is. I’m not going to sugar coat it. I’d like to pull back the curtain and let you know a few things. I’d like you to know how we’re actively fighting something everyday and not getting gold stars. We aren’t getting pats on the back. Sometimes I don’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning, let’s just keep it 100% real here. I do get out of bed, but I don’t feel like it. I know I have businesses to run and work to do. Let’s just step back a minute and I’ll tell you what I do for work.

  1. I run a dog walking and cat sitting business
  2. I have this blog
  3. I have a podcast called Put your feet up
  4. I have a patreon account with bonus episodes of my podcasts, exclusive blog posts and deleted sections of books I’ve published. Plus excerpts of my new book and I’m wanting to start a book club.

I also write for various websites such as medium, thought catalog and Vocal. I do it all to help erase the stigma around mental health. I also do it to share my story and hopefully help even one person.

Let’s talk about how fucked society is shall we? okay! Apparently the world they use is “Disabled” I don’t like that word. If you look it up it means not working properly. which is fine if you’re talking about a machine. BUT we aren’t machines! we’re fucking humans. Let’s deal with that fucking issue. (Sorry I’m a bit angry :p)

They treat us like shit and make us feel less then everyone else. Let’s stop that.