My 7th Book

I’ve published my 7th Book recently. It’s a collection of late night thoughts. I’m writing a 4 part series on this topic. I think it’ll not only be fun to write but helpful to some people as well. I was inspired by Taylor Swifts new album midnights. I’ve been a fan of hers forever. But this album in particular has a chokehold on me. I absolutely love it. It’s like therapy in an album. I’m kind of obsessed!

So with that comes a collection of Late Night Thoughts. Good, bad and ugly. It’s on Amazon! I hope you’ll read it!

My 6th Book

My 6th Book was published in paperback yesterday! I’m so glad. It’s a collection of Late-Night Thoughts I’ve had over the last month or so. I was inspired by Taylor Swifts Album Midnights which is exactly that a collection of Late night thoughts. And frankly I have a lot to share, so much so that I”m writing a part 2!

I hope you read it! it’s called Late Night Thoughts What Keeps Me Up At Night.

I cried yesterday

Yesterday was a very hard day. I cried. I cried because I’m fed up. I’m fed up with healing and not being healed. I’m fed up because every time I try to make a friend they show me why I’m better off alone. I’m fed up over a lot of things. I just published my 6th book yesterday and it was probably the most personal thing I’ve ever published. It was a collection of late night thoughts. (Working on part 2 as we speak) it was inspired by Taylor Swifts New Album Midnights. That album has gutted me inside and out for the past 2 weeks. I can honestly say I relate to all of the songs on the record (which is usually the case) but this one in particular. It makes me cry. Especially the song Anti-Hero. It guts me to my core. It’s all my deep rooted insecurities in a song. I could go on for hours. But it’s basically what it is. All the things I fear in a song. She’s good!

But I cried, I cried yesterday because I was fed up. I’m just done. I have nothing left to give anyone. It’s impossible for me to feel anything these days.

Am I Dating Again?

This is a question I get a lot! And the simple answer is no. I’m not. And I don’t mean to sound rude when I say that, it’s just honestly not something I feel like I need to do right now. I need to heal right now and figure out who I am. I’m letting go of a lot of heavy things. I’m okay, but I need to lighten my mental load a bit.

I’m spending more time in nature than I think I ever have. I’m listening to music a lot more and finding myself. This doesn’t mean I don’t have nights were it hurts to fall asleep alone and it doesn’t mean I don’t wish someone would check on me sometimes or text me just for the hell of it. But that’s not in the universes plan for me right now. I guess I need to spend this time alone and really get to know myself first. Which is fine! I’m totally okay with that. But it does hurt sometimes and I need to acknowledge that. Healing isn’t linear. Healing is painful sometimes. It can really hurt. But you have to do it. Everything will be okay!

Spending Time In Nature!

Lately I’ve been spending more time offline and in nature. I’ve been trading a computer for a lakeside view. I’ve been walking around lakes and clearing my head. I’ve been taking more time for myself then ever and it’s paying off. My mood has been better and I’ve been feeling lighter then ever. Sometimes we just need to shut off for a while so that we can come back feeling better then before. That’s what I’ve been doing lately. Taking time away from my electronics and being in total silence.

How did this come about? Well in October I started to realize a few things, I started to realize that I was burned out and honestly kind of a jerk. I wasn’t mean or anything but I wasn’t nice either. I also realized that I hadn’t been taking much time for myself. I also realized something very important and that is in order to let go off all the trauma that I suffered and truly find peace I need to slow down and really work through it. See when I broke up with my ex I just threw myself into work. I wasn’t taking much time to heal. I’ve been kind of on autopilot for 3 years. So I’m taking this time now to heal. My business is slow enough that I can. I’m using this time to become a better version of me. I want to encourage this for everyone

Im an Introvert!

I like to be alone. It doesn’t mean, I hate you or am mad at you or anything. It just means I want to be alone and recharge. I have a lot going on in my head and it’s exhausting. I’m healing from an abusive relationship on top of that. So please understand that all of this requires AMPLE time alone to sort everything out. I’m not mad at you, if I was I would tell you. You are NOT annoying or in my way. People just drain me. I don’t party or hang out in large crowds. Id much rather sit at the edge of a dock and think. Socializing exhausts me. People exhaust me. I can only take so much. So to all my friends and family who think I hate them I don’t. I”M JUST A FUCKING INTROVERT.

Emotionally Exhausted

Hello Everyone, I wanted to come on here and talk about a topic that I’ve been dealing with on a personal level lately. Emotional Exhaustion. Yes, I’m a tad Emotionally Exhausted. Between healing and doing all my normal activities I do get a bit emotionally exhausted. Healing is very challenging and sometimes overwhelming. It’s messy, beautiful and all around crazy. But what nobody tells you is how to do it. There is no cookie cutter method to healing. You kind of have to figure that out yourself. See Healing isn’t a one size fits all. It differs from situation to situation. You’re going to have to find the right approach for you. It sucks, I know. But it’s true. I’ve been healing for 3 years now and I still have a long way to go. A very long way. In fact so long I don’t think there will be an end. And that’s okay! See Healing never ends. You never stop. That’s how I see it. Healing doesn’t have an end. Shit gets easier to deal with sure. but you’re never 100% healed. It sucks.

Hello!

Hey everyone, sorry I haven’t been posting lately. Actually you know what? I don’t have to apologize! Anyways I just haven’t been inspired lately. I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit internally. And by that I mean, Ive not slept well in a while and just been mentally exhausted. We all get that way from time to time. I keep having flashbacks of my ex punching me in the face and doing other terrible things to me. I know it’s been 3 years but guess what? some shit stays with you. Trauma stays with you forever. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. things take time. And that’s just how it is. I’m doing all I know to do.

Im an introvert healing from an abusive relationship

Hey! the title pretty much says it all. And while that may seem like a lot (and it is) I do want you to know that I’m not unapproachable. I’m actually pretty nice! But I do need lots of alone time and a lot of rest. I’ll be happy to see you and nice and carry a normal conversation but afterwards I’m going to need to rest for a few days. See I’m healing from several forms of abuse. It’s exhausting to pretend to be “normal” on the daily. I realize normal is a myth but you get the point. So please do not think this is anything you did. It’s something someone else did to me. But please understand why I might be a bit closed off.

I Had An Anxiety Attack This Morning

This Morning I had an anxiety attack. And I’m kind of embarrassed by it. But I don’t need to be. Anxiety attacks are NOTHING to be embarrassed by. I want you to know that. Why did I have it? a few reasons, One: Hurricane Ian, I was worried about that. I still am. But I’m not in Florida. I’m in South Carolina. But I honestly thought it would be worse then it was. I was expecting rain and wind and power outages and all the stuff they said. We’ve been getting alerts for days now and it’s been a big deal. So it made me nervous. I’m not going to apologize for being nervous. I’m a human.

I was also nervous because I canceled some of my clients today in order to stay safe from the storm. I probably didn’t have to. But I did. I felt guilty about that. I really felt bad. I actually felt like I did something wrong. But after realizing that lots of other businesses around me were closed today as well. I didn’t feel as bad. I still feel terrible and hope they all forgive me. Can you relate?