Marriage.

I don’t want to get married. I don’t think I ever did. I can’t stand the thought of having to worry about someone else. I can’t stand the thought of having to sleep next to someone. I’d rather not. Honestly I’m better off staying single. I want freedom, I want to travel the world, I want to drive in the car and go wherever I WANT. I want to sleep and not have someone next to me. (Except my dog) I want to be selfish. I want to spend my own money without being criticized for it. I just want to be selfish. I don’t want to answer to anyone. Marriage requires a level of closeness that I’m just not into.

Healing Process.

Hellooooo everyone! I wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind lately. Healing. Last night I was actually talking to a friend of mine and we were discussing the fact that Healing isn’t linear. That sometimes you feel like you could in fact take over the fucking world and other days you don’t want to get out of bed. That’s what happens in the healing process. It’s not a straight and narrow path. It’s annoying, I know! Believe me. I really do know. It’s a lot of sleepless nights, pain, crying, feeling like shit. All that. it’s terrible. But I think the one thing that keeps me going is the fact that someday all this shit will be behind me and I’ll be able to finally be fucking free.

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a great weekend! Everything happens for a reason, I know that sounds fucking cliche. But it’s true! Sometimes we have to go through bullshit in order to get to a good place in life. Maybe the universe is preparing us for something bigger than we could have ever imagined. So to everyone whose having endless nights feeling hopeless and like you’ll never get anywhere. I want to tell you two things: 1. I hear you, I’ve been there a million times! I’ve had endless nights where I felt like that and I still do sometimes. 2. Things will get better!

#Teamnosleep

I didn’t sleep last night. I didn’t fall asleep until this morning at 12am. I was thinking way too much. Can anyone else relate? Being a functional adult is sometimes a challenge. If anyone needs me I’ll be in a corner coloring

I have anger issues

I have a lot pent up anger from my past, I need to work on this. But I’m getting there. I’m not being a jerk or a bitch or whatever else. I need to work on my emotional regulation. I think it comes from years of feeling like I had to fight all the time. I’m looking into anger management classes. I’ll report my progress here.

Last night,

Last night was weird. I had a panic attack. Which was weird because I haven’t had one in a very long time. But I got through it. It’s okay to have panic attacks! I don’t want to shame anyone for having them. Having Panic Disorder myself I can say that it isn’t fun. But What I can say is you will get through it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I really want to make that clear. People will try and tell you to calm down or get over it. Those people don’t deserve to be in your life. They don’t. People need to understand.

Feeling good about yourself

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling it, you guys. Yesterday I felt really bad about myself. I felt stupid and useless. I felt pretty bad. I also felt ugly. I have those days quite often, but I need to work on changing the thought process. And it’s difficult but I’m working on it. I think everyone can relate to me when I say this. It’s not all butterflies and roses guys.

Why I deleted my Instagram

That’s a question that I get a lot. See Social Media is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because I get to connect with millions of people who might’ve been through the same things as I have and really feel like I’m not alone in that way. It’s a lovely thing to share stories with someone and really connect on that level. But the curse is that you constantly feel like you’re not good enough and it can really mess with your self esteem. I’ve had a lot of issues surrounding food and dating and other things my entire life so I’m not going to amplify those issues by having a social media account. I use Twitter still, But I don’t really read it to much. I use Facebook for Work mostly. And that’s it.

I really needed to clear those things out of my life and really take charge of my mental health.