Author: Amanda Nicole

Well I’ve been sick with a cold the last few days….that’s been annoying. But it’s also interesting because I usually NEVER get sick anymore. I was thinking about this yesterday while walking a dog, I was remembering all the times Id gotten sick as a teen, course I was drinking and taking horrible care of myself. But I would get sick at least twice a year. And it was HELL. This time it’s been wayyyyyy better. Not saying it’s been pleasant by any means. but it’s been better. It just goes to show you how good care can go a long way.

I was also thinking about something else not related to health. I was thinking about all the s*it I’ve done in my life and how I probably HAD to do all the things I did. What if I needed to drink? What if I had to get sober on my own? What if I had to go through all the things that I did in order to get here? What if everything was a lesson? What if it still is? What if things had gone differently? Where would I have ended up? These are questions I ask myself daily. I’m learning to find peace in that. I’m learning to find peace in not having all the answers. I don’t want them. More importantly I don’t need them. I don’t think I ever will.

I guess y’all would want to know who you’re reading about huh? Well I’m 29, I’m a Capricorn sun/Taurus Moon. I love to read, sleep and crochet. I have my own business and I’m going back to school online in May. I’m VERY introverted and it takes me awhile to warm up to people. I’m kind of like a dog lol.

I have a dog and a cat (Both of whom run my life) I’m lactose intolerant and that’s all I Feel comfortable sharing at this moment. If you’d like to read my 9 books I’ve written and published I’ll leave my linktree below for you! I hope you check it out! linktr.ee/gilmorepretty

This maybe random but occasionally I’ll share a recipe with you guys! I’ve made this so many times and it’s a staple in the summer when it’s 100 degrees outside. So I thought perhaps it was blog worthy! it’s a smoothie bowl! Now you can add or omit whatever you want to this is just what I use!

1 frozen cut and peeled banana. you can use more or less if you’d like but I typically use one as the “base” I’m basically making ice cream here.

1 cup of frozen fruit. I usually use blueberries or strawberries or whatever I found at the store. Sometimes I add spinach for extra health. but you don’t need to. I also sometimes add vegan yogurt to make it creamier but again you don’t need to.

1 cup of almond milk.

Blend until smooth. And pour in a bowl. Now you can top it with chocolate chips, granola, fresh fruit whatever makes you smile!

Enjoy!

That was definitely weird as I haven’t had one in SO long. But alas, I had one. I got through it though. And I don’t need sympathy. I’m simply trying to add to a conversation that I think we don’t have enough!

School stuff is going fine, did financial shit yesterday. That was fun. I’m so excited to go back to school online. THat’s what I should’ve done the first time honestly. But maybe I had to go away? Maybe I had to move away from home. Maybe I had to learn some hard lessons. Maybe I had to grow up a bit. Maybe my life was supposed to happen that way. Maybe it’s all for the better. You really never know. Life has a funny way of teaching you things. And throwing you a curveball lol.

I keep thinking maybe I had to go away to school so that I could learn. Maybe it all taught me the greatest lesson I needed to learn. Was how strong I actually am and how ridiculous my life was and how much I needed to love myself. How much I should never have settled for shitty friends or shitty people. I know better now. I don’t let anyone in now. I’m over it.

I need to take a second and acknowledge something. Healing is difficult. I know it’s been 3 years since I’ve been single. And I’ve done A LOT of work on myself in those 3 years. I’ve become a much calmer person and a much more present person. BUT that doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of work to continue doing. I have to still let go of the belief that men are terrible. I also have to let go of the fact that I’m a horrible person and people hate me. Nobody hates me. I need to realize that. I”m not a villain.

Yes I’ve done terrible things! We all have. But that doesn’t make me a bad person. We’ve all fucked up over time. It’s not the end of the world. I still have a long way to go and that’s okay! I’m okay. Nobodies mad at me.

I don’t know if I told y’all this but yesterday I got accepted to a local college here in South Carolina! I get to take classes online starting in May. I’m so excited! I just finished taking placement tests and I’ll see how those end up. I know I did well on English and Reading but math……ew. Anyways! I’m so glad for a number of reasons. 1. I’ll be doing the thing my Ex told me I wasn’t smart enough to do. I’ll be doing the thing that he told me I would never do. 2. I’ll be getting the degree I never got and deserve. 3. And I’ll be able to maybe go farther in life! I think this is great. I encourage anyone who’s been in an abusive relationship to go back to school and get the degree that you deserve! I encourage you not to do it for anyone but you! You’re the most important person in your life. I’ll be so glad when you get in.

Turns out I am smart enough to get in to college! I think I always knew that I was just afraid to admit it to myself. But now that I have, I’m ecstatic. I can’t wait to embark on this crazy journey. I know it will be hard work. But I can do it! I know I can.

This song is on the 3am edition of Midnights and lemme tell you it guts me to my core! The meaning is ambiguous. But most people have assumed it’s about a miscarriage. I’ve never had a miscarriage and I’m so glad. But my heart shatters for those that have. I cannot imagine the pain, anguish and sadness. I cannot fathom how much that hurts and my heart shatters for those who’ve had a miscarriage everyday. I hope you can find peace and know that your child is okay and at peace.

Yes I’m dedicating a blog post to a Taylor Swift Song. If you know me well, you know how much I LOVE Taylor Swift. I’ve loved her music since 2006. But I wanted to talk about this song in particular because not only is it amazing, but it’s also been hitting me hard lately. I think the line that gets me is “it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. And the line that says I wake up screaming from dreaming one day I’ll watch as you’re leaving cause you got tired of my scheming” I’m always afraid of losing someone whether it be a friend, family member anyone. I’m always afraid. It’s a problem. Even in my business I’m afraid of losing clients. But I haven’t yet! I always feel like the problem also. I always feel like it’s my fault. But I’ve been working on that.

I’ll do more of these posts! I enjoy talking about Taylor Swift 🙂

This shouldn’t scare you! This is actually a good thing. I’m applying to go back to school. Clean up the mess I made in college the first time. Make something of my ridiculous life. But I can handle it! I know I can do it. I’m a smart women. Boy that felt heavy to say. I don’t know that I’ve ever said that before. In fact I know I haven’t. So I’m pretty proud of myself for saying it. I encourage you to tie up loose ends this year!

Why am I tying up mine? Because I’ll be 30 in December and I want to clean up the mess I made in my 20’s. I want to start fresh. Put the past in the past. FOREVER.

I want to go back to school and clean up the mess I made. I made a huge mess a few years ago and I want to clean it up. Not finishing school is one of my biggest regrets and I want to correct that. I was a psychology major in college and I want to continue that. I love psychology. I love it! It’s so interesting. I love learning about how people work and how brains work. I absolutely love it!

I’m working on going back to school and doing what my ex told me I couldn’t do. I’m ready to correct that mistake I made so long ago. I want to be an adult and make something of my life. I want to encourage anyone who’s feeling like me to do it!