Tell the F*cking Story

We all have a story to tell. Your story can help a lot of people! You should tell your F*cking story. It’s okay. There are so many people who can resonate with your story no matter how grim. If you’re too scared I completely understand. I was scared to! I didn’t think anyone would want to listen. But I was wrong! people do want to listen! I’m so humbled that people do. And I’m so glad that people are relating to my story. I’m

I’m also happy that my story is adding to the conversation and giving a voice to millions of people who are to afraid to speak up. I think there is a huge stigma surrounding mental health and it needs to stop. ❤️

Last night

Last night was hard. The power went out. While that was something I couldn’t control and I was okay with that. I’ve learned over the last 2 years that loneliness is brutal. It hurts to be lonely sometimes. But I was also thinking that while It hurt like hell. I’m getting to know myself. But when does that get old? when do you find the urge to share your life with someone. All the time. I keep thinking how much I’d love to have someone to share the things I watch on YouTube with or share a vape hit with. (For the record I don’t smoke I vape CBD oil) if you can relate then I’ve done my job.

I’m an introvert but I do get lonely sometimes. I’m working on making new friends. I’m working on expanding business ventures.

Thank you for listening

F*ck Patience

I’ll be the FIRST to admit. I have no patience at all. (Especially when I’m hungry) But I think we all get hangry sometimes. Back to patience. I have no patience. I’m working on it. I keep thinking that vaping CBD will magically make me more patient but it hasn’t. It’s helped me sleep. It doesn’t help me become more patient. I’m not a patient person.

Can anyone else relate? I’m an introvert and frankly people wear me out sometimes. However if someday I get married I’d probably have patience for that person. But anyone else nope 🤣

Lessons Learned

I’ve learned so many lessons over the last 28 years.I’ve learned so many hard lessons and some easy ones as well. I’m not going to say that I didn’t need to learn them. Honestly? I did. I needed to learn every single lesson. I needed to have my heart fucking stomped on so that I could come back stronger then ever

Let’s take it there:

This is a special thing on my blog where I take it there. I talk about something beyond personal with ya’ll. Now I also do this on my patreon account www.patreon.com/amandanicole12

But I’ll do it here as well. So last night I recorded a podcast episode called The Stigma Part 2. I talked about a lot of things on that episode. For almost 20 minutes I talked about all the stigmas that exist and how they need to end. But I also shared how some of those stigmas affect me personally in hopes that my story could help somebody. I’ve said this before many many times but that’s why I keep sharing my story. I do it to help others who’ve maybe gone through the same things.

Now before I go on I’d like to issue a HUGE trigger warning to anyone who might feel uncomfortable by what I’m about to talk about. If talking about suicide ideation or sexual assault makes you uncomfortable or triggers you in anyway you don’t need to read this post. In fact I’d rather you didn’t. I’m holding so much love for you if you’ve struggled with suicide ideation or have any type of mental illness. Just know you are not alone.

I talked about this on my podcast last night but when my horrible relationship ended I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to live anymore. That was the second time those types of thoughts came up for me. The first was in high school, I was sexually assaulted (as you all know) and I couldn’t tell anyone. I tried to drink myself to death. For a year and a half.

I hope by sharing that I can help someone and I’ll leave some resources below for you. g

I hope this helps you in some way and helps you to know that you’re not alone! https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/https://www.rainn.org/resources

I’d like to vent for a second if that’s okay.

I sit here and write this blog post with the intention of talking to you about a very important mental health topic and that’s what this blog is about! Mental health and the stigma and all that bullshit. And I enjoy talking about those things and I find them beyond important. But today I’m not going to talk about those things. I’m going to talk about something that’s been heavy on my mind lately and I haven’t acknowledged it until now because I was coming to terms with it.

I’m Bisexual. I like guys and girls. I find both genders attractive. If I end up being with a girl great, if I end up being with a guy, that’s great too. I realize that’s not acceptable to some people and to those people I say nothing. I have nothing to say to those people.

I’ve already come out to my family and they’re cool with it. But I wanted to publicly say it because I wanted to help someone else out there who might be having trouble coming out or coming to terms with their sexuality. And that’s okay!

Just know you are accepted and are not alone!

#METOO Movement

Yeah I’m going there people. It’s something we need to keep talking about. What is the #METOO movement? It’s an amazing movement against sexual abuse, rape, and sexual harassment. I share this because it’s incredibly personal to me and right here right now I’d like to say that you’re not alone if you are one of millions who’ve been affected by this. I’ve shared my #METOO story many times on here and my podcast and my patreon and my book: My Story 12 years of going to hell and back.

Im going to leave some resources for you to find the solace you need. To those who weren’t believed when you tried to tell someone I completely understand I’m right there with you. I wasn’t believed. It’s a Sad reality and it needs to stop. You have my deepest sympathies and I hope you find the help you need. I really do. To all the people who were believed: I can’t relate but I’m glad you were believed. I’m glad someone took you seriously and didn’t tell you that you were being dramatic. They didn’t tell you to get over it. They didn’t tell you that you were making it up. They actually believed you and helped you through it.

I share my story to help people and add to the conversation surrounding this topic as well as mental health. You are not alone and you enough! I want you to know that.

Here’s some links to help you should you need it. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-metoo-movement-4774817 https://www.rainn.org/

F**k Soulmates

I get asked this question a lot: Do you believe in Soulmates? The answer is yes/no. No because I don’t believe in the traditional bullshit of finding that one person to spend your life with. That’s not a soulmate. That’s much much different. I do however believe in Soulmates being the most important person you’ll ever meet in your life. What do I mean by this? I mean that a soulmate comes into your life when you’re broken and vulnerable in the midst of tragedy. They smack you awake so you can change your life. They bring you to your own attention and show you what’s holding you back.

Watch this video to see what I mean: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xpa7sqdQhQ

Last night I didn’t sleep.

I didn’t sleep last night which was weird because I took plenty of vape hits before bed. So you’d think I’d be relaxed. But for some reason last night I wasn’t. I couldn’t relax enough to sleep. It was sad. I’m trying to understand why I didn’t sleep.

I will try and sleep tonight. But to all those have sleep Issues. You are not alone and it’s not your fault. Nobody should be making you feel bad for it. In fact nobody should be making you feel bad for anything you do. Especially when it comes to your mental health. We really need to erase the stigma surrounding mental health.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

I’m so relaxed.

I just took a hit of CBD from my vape. I’m so relaxed. I feel at peace for the first time in forever. It’s Amazing how adding that one thing into my routine could make such a difference. I used to not sleep at night and now I sleep like a baby. Im not pushing anyone to try it and I highly suggest you talk to a dr. But it’s working for me! I love it.

I’m vaping a peach ice flavor. I feel amazing.

My anxiety is much lessened.