Yesterday was a very hard day. I cried. I cried because I’m fed up. I’m fed up with healing and not being healed. I’m fed up because every time I try to make a friend they show me why I’m better off alone. I’m fed up over a lot of things. I just published my 6th book yesterday and it was probably the most personal thing I’ve ever published. It was a collection of late night thoughts. (Working on part 2 as we speak) it was inspired by Taylor Swifts New Album Midnights. That album has gutted me inside and out for the past 2 weeks. I can honestly say I relate to all of the songs on the record (which is usually the case) but this one in particular. It makes me cry. Especially the song Anti-Hero. It guts me to my core. It’s all my deep rooted insecurities in a song. I could go on for hours. But it’s basically what it is. All the things I fear in a song. She’s good!
But I cried, I cried yesterday because I was fed up. I’m just done. I have nothing left to give anyone. It’s impossible for me to feel anything these days.