Okay, Cue the Taylor Swift Song. That song will forever gut me in a way that is profound. I will forever be able to relate to every line and every word. I will feel every emotion and be there with her. I remember it all too well. I remember being love-bombed and some waiter in a restaurant on our first date telling me he was being rude to me. and me not listening to that. If that waiter is reading this I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I’m sorry I went home with him that night. I should’ve left. I would’ve saved myself trauma and heartache and sadness. I’ll remember laying on my back and feeling like a total object. I’ll remember crying, screaming, hating myself, wanting to die. I’ll remember being conditioned to believe that I wasn’t smart enough or good enough to anything. I’ll remember being brow beaten to believe that nobody else would ever want me. I’ll remember it all. And I’ll never trust a man again because of that.
It’s horrific what abuse does to you. It changes you in a most profound way. I still have nightmares. I push people away out of fear. I sabotage every male friendship I’ve ever had out of fear. Can anyone relate?