Trigger warning: If anyone is triggered by the topic of eating disorders please don’t read this post. I have so many others for you to read. if you are comfortable, buckle up because it’s going to be gnarly. I’m going to be talking about my personal battle with an eating disorder. if you can resonate with this in anyway please know that you’re not alone and there is help out there. I’ll leave some links at the end of this post for you.
So my eating disorder began a few years ago when my ex called me fat. When they called me fat I decided to stop eating basically. I ate only a few bites of food at every meal. However when my ex wasn’t around I would binge. I would eat everything in site. Then I would go for long long walks to burn of all the food I ate. It was a vicious cycle. looking back I realize that in addition to fearing for my life everyday I was also hungry. I was starving. I was famished. I needed someone to save me. I needed someone to feed me a real meal and not rush me while I ate. I needed someone to love me. But I was trapped in this ludicrous situation.
When I left my ex, I started eating whatever I wanted. I ate lots of food to make up for all the shit. I still feel guilty sometimes for eating but I shouldn’t. Food is good for me. I love it. I get triggered sometimes still. I will for the rest of my life. But I know that I’m not alone in the battles.
For more information and help please contact the National Eating Disorder Association- https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
