Last night was difficult

I admit this to you in hopes that It could possibly help someone. however before I continue I’d like to issue a HUGE trigger warning as I will be talking about Eating disorders for a minute. I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. So here we go. If you’ve read my Book: My story 12 years of going to hell and back. You’ll have read that I had an eating disorder a few years ago. The term for the disorder I suffered from was Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. Here’s a link for more information.

Now I know this may be a shock to those who know me well because I’m typically a bottomless pit. However that wasn’t always the case. How did it start? Well one day during a less then enjoyable intimate session with my ex he basically implied that I was fat. (I’m sure if you asked him he’d deny it) But it happened. Anyways after that I stopped eating basically and would restrict my food intake to the extreme. I would only eat a few bites of every meal and that was it. I never ate normally. I was always rushed during going out too. He would always ask me “are you done yet” I wanted to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!! but I was too scared. I knew I’d get hurt for that.

My relationship with food is much better now. I actually eat as much as I want and that’s it. I don’t rush eating either. I take my FUCKING time. I love food.

Now last night I was feeling guilty because I ate “too much” I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I ate.

I admit this in order to help someone else. You’re not alone.

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